Guide · Gaming

Online chats in games: Who is messaging my child, and how do I set it up?

Which chat settings are right for children aged 6–12? Learn how to check who can contact your child and review voice chat and privacy settings, then agree on clear rules.

21 October 2026 · 4 min read

By Redaktion familydevice

On this page

The chat is not the whole game
Which settings to check
Age-appropriate rules
If someone crosses the line
Quick check before you start

How can you prevent strangers in an online game from messaging your child, threatening them or asking to talk privately? Whether chats are allowed is only the first question. It also matters who may make contact, how visible your child is and what happens if they feel uncomfortable.

The chat is not the whole game

Which settings to check

Our advice

Before your child starts playing for the first time, open the game's settings, the parental controls area of the device you are using and the provider's help section together. Check the following:

Contact access: Decide whether your child may accept messages or friend requests from anyone. Limiting contacts to people your child already knows reduces the reach of unwanted messages.
Communication channels: Decide whether text messages, images, voice chat or other features may be used. If the game supports text communication, you can leave voice chat switched off at first.
Visibility: Check what information others can see, such as the game name, display name, group membership, profile picture or the name your child uses in chat.
Ways to respond: Find out where your child can block someone, delete a message and report it. Show them the full process so they know what to do if needed.
Other ways to make contact: Check whether the game offers links, private groups, gifts, trading features or a way to switch to other services. For children aged 6–12, you should initially restrict these features or approve them together.

If you cannot find an important setting, check the game's help section or contact the provider's support team before the game starts. A game without effective blocking and reporting features is not a good choice if your child is allowed to contact people openly.

Age-appropriate rules

Our advice

For children aged 6–9: Adults set up contacts, visibility and communication features. Your child should review contact requests with an adult and be able to ask questions at any time.
For children aged 9–12: Your child can increasingly decide for themselves whom to accept. Adults set limits on unrestricted contact, other platforms and advertising, and remain available for questions.

Then agree on the following rules as specifically as possible:

Friendships: Only accept contacts whom your child also knows in real life. Do not reply to requests from unknown people.
Privacy: Do not share real names, addresses, phone numbers, school details, locations or passwords in the game. A distinctive display name should reveal as little as possible.
Communication: Do not reply to unwanted messages. The same rules apply to voice chat and images as to text.
Other services: Your child should not start private chats, video calls or meetings. They also should not accept gifts or make trades without your approval.
Problems: Your child can tell you about a problem at any time without being punished for it. They should stop the conversation, take a screenshot and involve you or another trusted adult.

If someone crosses the line

Quick check before you start

Sources

[1]Unterhaltungssoftware Selbstkontrolle und Stiftung Digitale Spielekultur (2025): Elternratgeber digitale Spiele
[2]AWMF und Deutsche Gesellschaft für Kinder- und Jugendmedizin (2023): S2k-Leitlinie zur Prävention dysregulierten Bildschirmmediengebrauchs in Kindheit und Jugend
[3]Bundespsychotherapeutenkammer (2020): Elternratgeber Internet

Online chats in games: Who is messaging my child, and how do I set it up?

The chat is not the whole game

Which settings to check

Age-appropriate rules

If someone crosses the line

Quick check before you start

Sources

Further reading

Cyberbullying: How to spot it and what helps in the first 48 hours

In-app purchases and loot boxes: what the USK notices mean and how to limit costs

Safely set up your child’s first smartphone: step by step